Thursday, July 29, 2010
i have enough of them, i really hate to face them, but sadly i just have to face the fact that, i will never able to avoid them. they just happen as time goes by.
that's why i always ask myself, what if my mum didn't leave? what if i didn't go Singapore? What if i didn't come to auckland?
especially auckland, you will never know when u have to say goodbye to the person you know, it just seems that its an unavoidable fact that people in this city just come and go.
hais watever, and i am still thinking if i should visit the other church. sigh.
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
if only mum could be happier, my life will be so much easier, i could not feel easy when she keep being like that, sometimes i really wonder, am i making the wrong choice to come here? am i the one that cause us both in this situation? "it's not that i don't want to do sth about it, i just don't know what can i do..."
Monday, July 05, 2010
or maybe is because, other stresses are already over the stress from studying. i am really helpless to change the current situation, all the conversations with my family become so heavy, and it seems that i should not complain and express how unhappy i am with my mum because i know that she suffers maybe at least 10 times or 100 times more than me, i know how hard her life is, but what can i do? i feel awful w/o family all these years but the same goes to her isnt it? she seldom pour her sorrows to me but i bet she cried many times behind me. but i am just unable to see her, unable to encounter the hard times together with her, we are both stuck in the middle, i really cant figure out when we can really settle down. i really need MIRACLE..MIRACLE PLEASE.
I really feel bad that when i feel i can't do anything and needs your help, then i come to you. but besides asking for your help..i really don't know what else i can't do...please, this feeling is getting worse, i really need your help, i really need miracle..please bless us and please watch over my family and send an angel to protect my mum. some people just end their lives when they can't overcome their stress, i will never thought of that, but i am really tired, i can't see the light now, i don't wanna live aimlessly. i need you to guide me. please please help me.
In Jesus's name, I pray. Amen.