i hate farewells, i hate goodbyes, i hate changes.

i have enough of them, i really hate to face them, but sadly i just have to face the fact that, i will never able to avoid them. they just happen as time goes by.

that's why i always ask myself, what if my mum didn't leave? what if i didn't go Singapore? What if i didn't come to auckland?

especially auckland, you will never know when u have to say goodbye to the person you know, it just seems that its an unavoidable fact that people in this city just come and go.

hais watever, and i am still thinking if i should visit the other church. sigh.

don't be a 无病呻吟 person. annoying.

quick post before going out

just realise my recent posts are toooooo heavy. post sth more casual this time?

i juz moved house. from a townhouse to a student apartment. totally new experience, as i have to go down to use public washing machine to do the laundry. but besides that, things are fine =)

ex-place:

Now```

kinda like my noticeboard...

if only mum could be happier, my life will be so much easier, i could not feel easy when she keep being like that, sometimes i really wonder, am i making the wrong choice to come here? am i the one that cause us both in this situation? "it's not that i don't want to do sth about it, i just don't know what can i do..."

to me, somehow, i still can manage my stress from studies i think? i don't know why, maybe i just feel that its kind of meaningless to whine about the results and all those.... since...you can't change anything; it's all done. you just have to move on i guess, as a student, this kind of stress is quite foreseeable isnt it?and stress from exam is not gonna kill you i guess.

or maybe is because, other stresses are already over the stress from studying. i am really helpless to change the current situation, all the conversations with my family become so heavy, and it seems that i should not complain and express how unhappy i am with my mum because i know that she suffers maybe at least 10 times or 100 times more than me, i know how hard her life is, but what can i do? i feel awful w/o family all these years but the same goes to her isnt it? she seldom pour her sorrows to me but i bet she cried many times behind me. but i am just unable to see her, unable to encounter the hard times together with her, we are both stuck in the middle, i really cant figure out when we can really settle down. i really need MIRACLE..MIRACLE PLEASE.

Dear Lord,
I really feel bad that when i feel i can't do anything and needs your help, then i come to you. but besides asking for your help..i really don't know what else i can't do...please, this feeling is getting worse, i really need your help, i really need miracle..please bless us and please watch over my family and send an angel to protect my mum. some people just end their lives when they can't overcome their stress, i will never thought of that, but i am really tired, i can't see the light now, i don't wanna live aimlessly. i need you to guide me. please please help me.

In Jesus's name, I pray. Amen.